Sunday, November 26, 2006

Local gamer's Wii web site takes off

ublished on 11/25/2006 in THE POST-STAR

GLENS FALLS -- This spring, when Nintendo changed the name of its soon-to-be-released video gaming system from the "Revolution" to the "Wii," high school senior Ian Mikutel had a problem.

It was about two weeks before the staff of his year-old Web site and podcast about the Nintendo system planned to attend the Electronic Entertainment Expo in Los Angeles, and they had already ordered business cards and T-shirts featuring their site's name: Revolution Report.

The 10-person staff, scattered across the country, brainstormed via conference call until 4 a.m. and finally came up with a new name for their site: The Wiire.

"We've always been a very news-focused site, so it's like a play on 'news wire,'" Mikutel explained. Nintendo's explanation for the odd-sounding name, he said, was simple. "It's like the word 'we,' and the two 'i's represent two people playing together," he said. "So basically, it's all about inclusion."

Mikutel, now a freshman at Rochester Institute of Technology, said the redesigned site's traffic is growing by about 10,000 unique visits a month, pushing it toward 100,000 visits this month. Apple recently featured The Wiire Podcast on the home page of the iTunes music store. "At this rate, we could get two million hits a year," he said. "It's crazy to think about."

Besides a new name and color scheme -- coincidentally, the same combination of white and sky blue that Nintendo picked for the Wii packaging -- the biggest change to Mikutel's site is the addition of game reviews.

"Video game reviews are notoriously something that most people don't want to read, they just want to skip to the rating," he said. "So we decided to split our reviews up into three stages, to cater to all types of people."

Readers who want only a general synopsis of a game can check out stage one, "impressions," which explains in less than a page how the game is played and what is looks, feels and sounds like. More detailed information is available in the second stage, "analysis," written after the reviewer has taken a day off and then tried the game again. After the final stage -- "evaluation," written for what Mikutel calls "hard-core gaming enthusiasts" -- each game is rated on a 100-point scale.

Only a few complete reviews are on the site right now, he said, because Nintendo prereleased the Wii to the media just one week before it hit the consumer market on Nov. 19. That wasn't enough lead time to check out the 30 games launched with the console, some of which, like "Zelda," take 70 hours to complete.

"It was too late for most of the gaming magazines to get reviews done in time for their holiday issues, so it could push more people online, which I guess is a nice thing for us," he said. "But I'd rather see more press for the Wii."

Mikutel explained that his enthusiasm for the Wii is not simply because his Web site depends on its success. He loves the new system because it "levels the playing field" between new and experienced video game players. Some of the games are short and simple, and many of them provide a workout.

Instead of jostling joysticks, players can use remote controls to mimic the movements of real-life activities like tennis and boxing. Even his 80-year-old grandmother, Dorothy Smith, tried the Wii out when she came for a visit.

"She's never played a video game before, and she beat me at bowling!" Mikutel said.

Smith smiled modestly. "I can be a little competitive," she confided. Then she noticed the words "The Wiire" on her grandson's T-shirt.

"Do you have something to do with this?" she asked, looking puzzled. "Why is it spelled wrong?"

LOGGING ON http://www.thewiire.com/

Saturday, November 25, 2006

For Better, For Worse, Forever...

Published in The Post-Star (A1)
11/20/06

Thomas DeVol does not believe in divorce, ever.

Not even if a couple has stopped loving each other. ("What about for better or worse?") Not even if a spouse cheats. ("Adultery can be forgiven.") Not even if a husband beats his wife. ("If he committed assault, he can go to jail, but don't get a divorce.")

DeVol, 62, is a Christian minister with a Ph.D. in counseling psychology who specializes in what he calls "no divorce" marriage counseling.

"The way that our society is coming apart is all about the breakdown of the family," he said. "I'm zealous about keeping families together at all costs."

DeVol grew up in Glens Falls and recently returned to the area after his license to practice psychology was revoked by the state of Missouri, although he says that wasn't his motivation for
moving. *(next-day correction: he moved after the state filed charges against him, but before his license was revoked in March 2006).

"The Adirondacks are my idea of paradise, and I always wanted to retire here," he said. "But I can't just sit on my hands in my retirement."

While some retirees are content to take up gardening or shuffleboard, DeVol's endeavor is a bit more ambitious: He wants to eliminate divorce from American society.

"The default setting in our society now is to be single. It's countercultural to be married," he said. "It's almost like divorce is in the drinking water here!"

He speaks from experience -- his first marriage ended in divorce after 10 turbulent years. Although it was turbulent from the start -- "my wife started running off with other men five weeks after the wedding," he said -- he now thinks there was no excuse for divorcing and splitting their young daughter's life between two households.

"If I'd had a lot more maturity back then, I could have made the marriage work," he said. "Couldn't I have forgiven her for adultery? When I think of the pain that caused my poor little girl ..."

He fell silent, looking at a framed portrait of his daughter, who is now married and living in Cleveland, Ohio.

"The breakup of that marriage was really the impetus for the no-divorce clinics," he explained. "I don't know if I would say it's God's plan, but I think I made a bad choice and God made something good out of it."

His church denomination, the Assemblies of God, does not ordain divorced individuals, so his ministerial credentials are with a group called New Covenant Community Church, based in Tennessee. It is not registered as a nonprofit organization.

"They're the same folks that ordained Jim Bakker after he got in trouble," DeVol explained, referring to a formerly popular television evangelist whose career and marriage were destroyed by a sex and accounting scandal in the 1980s. (Bakker remarried and began a new ministry after spending 5 years in prison for accounting fraud.)

DeVol met his second wife, Vangie, while serving as a medical missionary for seven years in the Philippines. Divorce is illegal there, and DeVol said he wishes America would follow suit.

"We don't talk of divorce in our country," Vangie said. "When I get married ... to me, I'm married, you know?"

Hearing this, her husband gave a delighted sigh.

"Isn't that precious?" he said. "The cultural shock was coming back from the Philippines, not the other way around -- I told people it was like I left heaven and went to hell."

DeVol -- whose name is "loved" spelled backward, as he likes to point out -- started his first "no divorce counseling" practice in Springfield, Missouri in 1994, inspired by a picture drawn by the 10-year-old daughter of a couple he was counseling. The words were misspelled, but the message was clear: "No Devorice Alowed!"

"Little kids hate divorce, and they shouldn't have to go through it," he said. "But most people just don't realize there's an alternative."

He believes couples are too quick to give up on marriage when they encounter conflict, and that no-fault divorce laws have made it too easy to renege on a lifetime committment.

"It's like, 'I don't like the way he opened the cereal box, I'm getting a divorce!' " he said, throwing his hands up in frustration.

DeVol left Missouri two years ago, after losing his psychology license in a court fight that he views as a spiritual battle.

The state attorney general's office lodged a complaint against him for praying and discussing demon possession with clients. Those charges were dropped, but several others were not, including issues like overbilling patients and using outdated diagnostic tools.

"We see this as a conflict between the secular and sacred priesthood," DeVol said. "We prevailed on all the religious charges, but ended up with technical charges against me."

The State Committee of Psychologists found him subject to disciplinary action for "incompetency, misconduct and gross negligence" in November 2005, and revoked his license.

DeVol said his license was then temporarily reinstated because his misconduct involved no physical harm to clients, but his request for permanent reinstatement was denied last month. He is appealing that decision. In the meantime, he is operating legally in New York state as a Christian counselor, not claiming to be a licensed psychologist.

In Glens Falls, he advertises in the family counseling section of the Yellow Pages with the words "NO DIVORCE" underlined in bold beneath his name. He currently works one day a week from a small office on Glen Street, and has another small office near his home in Pottersville, but hopes to inspire a larger effort.

"I started an idea, and the idea worked. So I'm hankering to get it going in the rest of New York state, and maybe franchise it nationally," he said, still sounding like a Southerner.

Dr. Paul Etu, a licensed psychologist who practices marriage and family counseling in Glens Falls, said he thinks DeVol's idea is "a laudable concept in most situations," but that he believes divorce still has a place in this society.

"Early in my career, we kind of had that drilled into us, too -- that you try to keep marriages together at all costs," he said. "But I also realize that marriages sometimes happen for the wrong reason ... and I think there are good reasons to have a divorce, especially if there is significant abuse in the family."

In DeVol's view, marriage is an inherently Judeo-Christian concept, because it relies on the principle of forgiveness. When both partners share similar moral values, he sees no reason they can't work things out. Even homosexuality, he believes, is a spirit that can be cast out with prayer.

"I worked with a transvestite minister once," he said. "I told his wife to tell him she loved him. She said, 'I don't.' I said, 'Well, the Bible tells you to.' So she looked in his eyes and said it over and over, and golly, it worked. I had to leave them alone after a while, they got so wrapped up in each other!"

DeVol occasionally works with non-Christian clients, and even counseled one unmarried couple seeking to salvage a committed live-in relationship, he said.

"A lot of it is just traditional marriage counseling, getting people to look at each other, tune in and get connected to what the other is feeling," he said. "It's so gratifying to see people kiss and make up."
--

Friday, November 24, 2006

Is plain old turkey going out of style?

Published in The Post-Star (D1)
11/22/06

Thanksgiving and traditional turkey have a long history together, but the holiday has been flirting with some younger dishes lately. Here's a peek at a few things that the Pilgrims certainly never tried:

1) Turducken
Hannaford Supermarkets just introduced something called "turducken" to its holiday meat selections, with a press release calling it "a unique alternative" and "new twist" on tradition.

As spokeswoman Caren Epstein explained, turducken is a combination of deboned turkey, duck and chicken breasts layered with stuffing, based on a Louisiana specialty. Hannaford is offering either a Louisiana-style version stuffed with cornbread and jambalaya or the more familiar flavor of cranberry-apple stuffing.

"Turducken will make for an extraordinary meal, as well as for some extraordinary conversation, this holiday season," Epstein said.

Don't cry, turkey. Those other birds are merely accessories to your lovely flavor -- they're not calling it Duchickey or Chitucken, are they? That's got to mean something.

2)Tofurky
Don Halliday walked into Pure 'n Simple Natural Foods Store in Glens Falls on Monday afternoon with a singular mission. Squinting at a few words on a sheet of paper in his hand, he spoke to the store's owner, Paul Savard.

"I'm looking for a ... toe-fur-key?" he said, pronouncing it cautiously.

They had one left, Savard said, reaching for a box from the cooler. It was a Tofurky Feast, including a roast, gravy, stuffing, dumplings and "wishstix" -- all made without meat, dairy or eggs.

Halliday explained that his 22-year-old daughter, Erin, is a vegetarian who had already hunted unsuccessfully for tofurkey in other stores.

Tofurky Roast is made from a blend of wheat protein, tofu and beans, seasoned with soy sauce and other spices to give it a flavor like meat. It has less fat, cholesterol and calories than turkey, and some people believe it tastes just as good.

"Seasonings mean everything," Savard explained. "It's a little bit different texture, but if you prepare it with the traditional gravies and sauces or herbs, it's got a very pleasant flavor. You'd never know it was tofu."

Halliday was pleased to find what his daughter wanted, but said he didn't plan to steal any bites from her plate on Thursday.

"I'll stick with the real thing," he said.

3) Who needs turkey?
For vegetarians and others who simply dislike turkey, Putnam Market in Saratoga Springs offers a couple of alternative main courses. Their prepared lasagna -- featuring butternut squash and mushrooms in bechamel sauce -- is always popular, said owner Catharine Hamilton. Customers can pre-order a pan (it's too late now) or buy it by the piece (still some left!) for $5 a serving. Their recipe, borrowed from Epicurious.com, is listed below.

Salmon is another tasty option, and many vegetarians make an exception for fish. Hamilton recommended coating salmon in herbs and cream cheese and baking it in a puff pastry, like beef Wellington. That dish is not on the regular menu at Putnam Market, but can be special-ordered.

"We have one customer that's ordered it every year for as long as I can remember," she said.
"And I know a few people who are going to be eating roast beef or chicken."

But the majority of customers, she said, are faithful to traditional turkey with sides like cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes and stuffing.

"Thanksgiving's one of those holidays where certain people will never deviate from the menu," Hamilton said. "It doesn't get too wacky."

--
Butternut Squash & Mushroom Lasagna
Serves 8
1/4 c. unsalted butter
2 1/2 c. onions, chopped
1/2 lb (3 c.) baby bella/crimini mushrooms, sliced
2 lbs (5 1/2 c.) butternut squash, peeled, seeded, sliced about 1/4-inch thick
1 can (14 oz) vegetable broth
4 Tbsp. fresh thyme, chopped
4 Tbsp. fresh sage, sliced
3 containers (15 oz. each) fresh ricotta cheese
4 c. grated mozzarella cheese
2 c. grated Parmesan cheese
4 large eggs
Olive oil
1 package (9 oz) no-boil lasagna noodles


Melt butter in large skillet over medium-high heat. Add onions, sautee about 8 minutes until soft. Increase heat to high, add mushrooms and sautee about 3 minutes until tender, stirring constantly. Season with salt and pepper. Set aside mixture in a bowl.

Add squash, broth, 3 Tbsp each of thyme and sage to skillet. Cover and simmer over medium heat until squash is tender (6 minutes). Uncover, cook until squash is soft but retains shape (5 minutes). Season with salt and pepper.

Mix ricotta, 2 cups mozzarella, 1-1/2 cup Parmesan and remaining thyme and sage in large bowl. Season with salt and pepper. Mix in eggs.

Brush 13x9x2 inch baking dish (glass or ceramic) with olive oil and spread 1 cup cheese mixture in bottom. Arrange 3 noodles on top. Add another layer of cheese mixture (about 1 3/4 cups), then a layer of squash mixture (1-1/3 cups). Sprinkle with mushrooms (1/2 cup) and mozzarella (1 cup).

Arrange 3 more noodles on top, then a layer of cheese mixture (1-3/4 cups), half of remaining squash mixture, mushrooms (1/2 cup), and remaining mozzarella. Repeat with 3 noodles, cheese (1 3/4 cups), remaining squash and remaining mushrooms. Top with three noodles. Spread remaining cheese mixture on top and sprinkle with rest of Parmesan.

This can be assembled one day ahead and refrigerated. To cook, preheat oven to 350 degrees. Cover pan with oiled foil and bake for 35 minutes, then uncover and bake about 25 minutes longer until heated through. Let stand 10 minutes before serving.

Source: www.epicurious.com, also available pre-made from Putnam Market for $5 a portion.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

how to sound smart watching a football game

Published on 11/23/2006 in THE POST-STAR Go
(co-authored by Charles Fiegl)

It's that time of year, when family and friends gather together around the table and give thanks ... although in a lot of houses, we're talking a coffeetable and being grateful for touchdowns.

If you aren't a football fan, suggest turning off the television and playing Pictionary instead.

When your relatives are done laughing at you, join them on the couch and try using a few of these comments throughout the game. You'll fit right in.

1) "That guard is holding!" It's exactly what it sounds like -- players often grab each other during the game, and it's often against the rules. Try to resist synonyms. "He's goosing the other guy!" may be true, but it won't earn you any respect.

2) "Come on, Ref!" Keep an eye on the guy in black and white stripes (actually, you should probably just retire to the kitchen if you don't even know what a referee is) and comment after he makes a call. If you're not too sure what he did, use a neutral tone of voice that could be interpreted as either sincere or sarcastic.

3) "The pads are really popping out there." Translation: "Those burly guys in padded tights keep running into each other, and it sure looks like it hurts."

4) "Everybody's clutching and grabbing! Nobody's tackling!" Sounding like legendary Green Bay Packers coach Vince Lombardi never fails to impress. Obviously, don't say this right after a linebacker knocks down a running back for a loss. Duh.

5) "That's six points for my fantasy team!" Or, as I heard one woman call it recently, "fake team." Be sure to stuff some nachos in your mouth to avoid follow-up questions.

6) "Do you think Favre will retire?" As in Brett Favre, quarterback for the Packers since 1992. This question has been a hot topic for sports commentators this season, so even if you're not watching a Packers game, you can toss it into conversation during a commercial break. Wait for an answer, then reply, "Yeah, that's what I think too."

7) "Anyone need a beer?" A guaranteed crowd-pleaser. Resist the urge to add, "... or a cosmo?"

Monday, November 20, 2006

Melville's local ties

Published in The Post-Star (D1)
11/18/06

Albany Academy boasts several famous alumni, but one of the most famous was a dropout.

Herman Melville, author of "Moby Dick," attended the boys academy from 1830 to 1832, until his family’s financial woes forced him out of school and into the working world at 12 years old.

So Melville would probably be astonished to learn his alma mater is throwing him a major party this weekend.

"He was not here very long, but we’re taking the right to claim at least part of him," said Caroline Mason, head of schools for the girls and boys Albany academies.

Mason conceived the idea for what grew into a three-day celebration called "Why Melville Matters Now," involving everything from lectures to art exhibits and dances inspired by "Moby Dick." The University at Albany’s Center for Humanities, Arts and Technosciences co-sponsored the event, and several local cultural institutions worked together to add interdisciplinary elements.

Intellectual stars like Andrew Delbanco, Stanley Crouch and R.L. Lane agreed to speak, and dozens of scholars from as far away as Europe planned to attend the symposium, delivering papers on esoteric topics like "Archipelagic Thinking in Melville and Deleuze;" "What’s With the White Jacket?: The Plight of the Individual on the World Frigate;" and "Tune In, Turn On, Drop Out: 1850s Herman Melville as Big Daddy Countercultural Beat Generation."

The Albany Institute of History and Art installed an exhibit of Frank Stella’s paintings inspired by "Moby Dick," and the academy installed a piece by artists Richard Garrison and William Bergman featuring a three-story-high whale and pen.

About 150 people signed up to read aloud a section of "Moby Dick" during a 24-hour reading marathon that ends at about noon today, with novelist William Kennedy of Albany and television personality Andrew Rooney of Lake George serving as famous bookends to open and close the reading.

Starbucks, the national coffee chain, offered to donate coffee for the reading when Burns suggested that the chain might have taken its name from a character in "Moby Dick."

In other words, this party became a project almost as large as Melville’s legendary white whale.

"We’ve never done an event on this scale before," said Carol Burns, communications director for the academies. "Everybody is excited about it."

So, why does Melville matter now?

As Mason pointed out, his work still shows up frequently in popular culture, inspiring songs, movies, plays and other creative endeavors.

"Besides the fact that he’s a great American novelist, I think he posed a lot of questions in the early days — about theology, existence, social issues — that are still being asked today," she reflected. "He was ahead of his time."
~~~~
Melville’s life

The future author of "Moby Dick" entered the world as Herman Melvill on Aug. 1, 1819, in New York City.

His mother, Maria, was the granddaughter of Gen. Peter Gansevoort, the Revolutionary War hero for whom the Northumberland hamlet of Gansevoort is named.

Maria married Allan Melvill, an ambitious young merchant from a Scottish family in Boston, and had eight children — Herman was the third. They lived in Manhattan until Allan’s business failures forced the family back north to stay with relatives.

Young Herman and several of his siblings enrolled at the Albany Academy prep school about 1830, but the family was bankrupt by the time Allan died of pneumonia in 1832, and 12-year-old Herman was pulled from school to work as a clerk in the New York State Bank (founded by his grandfather Herman).

Perhaps to separate them from the shame of bankruptcy, the family added an "e" to its last name around that time.

Herman got hooked on maritime adventure as a teenager, working as a cabin boy on a voyage from New York to England and back. After a few years as a schoolteacher, he set sail for the South Seas in 1841 and stayed abroad for three years, living among various island cultures. He wrote several books about his travels, including "Typee," "Omoo," and "Redburn," which were fairly successful.

He married Elizabeth Shaw in 1847 and they lived in Pittsfield, Mass., for many years, where he wrote "Moby Dick" and "Pierre." The novels were unpopular during his lifetime (less than 3,000 copies of "Moby Dick" sold) and he turned to writing poetry, with similarly discouraging results.

He supported himself in later years by working as a customs inspector in New York City, where he died on Sept. 28, 1891—- with so little fame that an obituary in The New York Times listed his name as Henry Melville.

Several decades later, critics and biographers began a revival of public interest in his work, and he is now considered one of the greatest American authors.

~~~~~~~~~~
(Companion piece)

NORTHUMBERLAND -- The gloomy bulk of the old Gansevoort Mansion would fit right into the landscape of "Moby Dick," the massive masterpiece by 19th-century American author Herman Melville.

The four-story wooden structure is as simple and sturdy as an old whaling ship, with peeling paint that evokes the grayish blues and whites of a northern sea.

The house was built about two centuries ago by either Gen.l Peter Gansevoort or his son Herman, who fathered another Herman, the author’s uncle. The author’s mother, Maria Gansevoort Melville, inherited the property in 1862.

The youngest Herman visited the rural estate many times throughout his life, and may have written portions of his works here. An original manuscript of his first novel "Typee" was discovered on the property in 1983 (the New York State Library bought it for about $400,000 at auction).

The property was sold out of the family in the late 19th century, and it was the headquarters of the local Masonic Lodge for the second half of the 20th century.

The current owner, Lynn Ruhman, bought it from the Masons in 1995 with the idea of turning it into a bed-and-breakfast.

"It just never happened, it’s too much work," Ruhman said, adding that she plans to sell the property soon. "But if I had done it, I would have named one of the rooms after Melville."

She lives in the bottom half of the house with her daughter and boyfriend, and runs a small hair salon called "Emotional Rescue" on the ground floor.

A tour through the upper floors reveals traces of its earlier history — the thick-planked wood floors and heavy-paned windows probably looked the same in Melville’s day — but it’s definitely a fixer-upper.

Coincidentally, Ruhman’s previous residence was the first home built by General Peter Gansevoort, on land confiscated from Royalists after the Revolutionary War.

"I’ve had two 200-year-old houses, and that’s enough," she said, laughing.

____________________________

Friday, November 17, 2006

Waiting, and waiting, to wed

Published on 11/16/2006 in THE POST-STAR's Go

Here comes the bride, her hair's getting white ...

OK, not quite, but Census Bureau data shows that the marriage age has been steadily rising for Americans in recent decades. Fifty years ago, the average age at first marriage was about 20 for women, 22.5 for men. These days, it's a little older than 25 and 27, respectively.

If that still sounds young, take a peek at the rest of the globe: North America now has the oldest first-time brides of any region in the world (men, the Australians have you beat by a few months), according to recent United Nations study.

Local people who shared their thoughts on this topic had similar ideas about what might be causing this trend. Dr. Paul Etu, a Glens Falls psychologist, said money is a major reason that many couples he counsels are waiting to get married.

"By far and away, the No. 1 issue is finances," he said. "They want to be more financially secure before they get into the marriage."

That was one of the factors that kept Natalie Houde, 32, of Glens Falls, from getting married before this year. She grew up "with parents who played gender-specific roles, with the father as bread winner and mother as domestic housekeeper," and didn't want to feel trapped in the same pattern.

"I was careful to set up relationships where I did not financially rely on the men I dated," she said. "After completing a master's degree and really evaluating the type of man I wanted in my life, I consciously sought someone to marry and have children with."

She ended up marrying a childhood friend, Eric, after the two reconnected through their families. It's only been a few months, she said, but so far, "I really enjoy it."

Krista Klock, 22, of Glens Falls, lives with her boyfriend of three years and said they won't be ready for marriage for at least two more years.

"More and more people are getting married and getting divorced," she said. "With these statistics in mind, most thoughtful people are waiting to make sure their partner is, in fact, someone they are going to be able to spend the rest of their lives with."

Erica Butto, a single 24-year-old business owner, agrees that "divorce is as popular as skinny jeans" in today's society, and she doesn't want to be part of the trend. But lately, she's been questioning the value of getting married in the first place.

"Like most young gals, I dreamt of being Cinderella," she said, admitting that she still checks out the window displays in the local bridal shop whenever she drives past. "The wedding seems to be the exciting thing. But once the presents are opened, and the thank-you letters are sent and the cake is all eaten, it just seems like a regular relationship, only with shared bank accounts."

Etu said that while society's view of marriage may be changing, many people still view it as important.

"I think there's an awful lot of people, men and women, who look at marriage as a stabilizing factor," he said. "And almost everybody who comes in here tells me that they want to get married at some point."
---
SIDEBAR:
Dr. Paul Etu, a Glens Falls psychologist who counsels many couples, offers these tips for individuals considering marriage:
* Don't compromise. Make a list of what you consider essential attributes in a life partner (i.e. a college degree, a career, a pet poodle) and what you definitely don't want to spend the rest of your life with (i.e. a smoker, a polygamist, a pet poodle). If your current boyfriend or girlfriend doesn't match the list, walk away and find someone who does.

* Look for red flags. Even though the average marriage age is rising, Etu said he still meets many couples who seem to be rushing into a lifetime commitment. You don't need to nitpick, but you should notice negative patterns (Does she binge drink every weekend? Does he call his mom every morning for wardrobe advice?) that could cause serious long-term damage to the relationship.

* Talk money. Developing a shared financial strategy before you begin to share a checkbook will make things a lot easier for both partners.

* Make time for each other. Etu recommends that couples pick one night a week to turn off the television and discuss practical matters (paying bills, planning a vacation) and anything else that is important to the relationship.
---
BY THE NUMBERS
Mrs. Minority?: There are about 3.6 million married women in the United States, and 2.4 million women (age 15 and older) who have never been married. Another million are divorced or separated, and widows bring the total to about 4.2 million women who are not in an active marriage.

Maybe Demi and Ashton are onto something: Women generally live longer than men -- the life expectancy of an American women is 80.1, compared to 74.8 for men -- but in the average American marriage, the groom is two to three years older than the bride. That helps explain why there are more than 800,000 widows and only 195,000 widowers in the nation.

Source: National Center for Health Statistics and U.S. Census Bureau 2005 American Community Survey

Another good reason to wait: The average cost of a wedding is $26,800, including $1,841 for wedding attire; $2,337 for the ceremony; $1,739 for jewelry; $1,136 for flowers; $1,104 for wedding favors and gifts; and $13,692 for the wedding reception.

Source: The 2006 Wedding Statistics and Wedding Market Report