Glens Falls one of the worst places to live in U.S.?

Published on 12/14/2006 in THE POST-STAR's Go

Dave Gilmartin, 30, works as an advertising copywriter in Manhattan and makes fun of other cities in his spare time. His first book, "The Absolutely Worst Places to Live in America," was published by St. Martin's Press in October 2006.

The book is based on responses he received from using Craigslist and other Web forums to ask people about the worst place they had ever lived or visited. There are two New York cities included among the top 50 "worst places" -- Syracuse and Glens Falls.

At press time, the book's sales rank on Amazon.com was 36,020.

Q: So, what's your beef with Glens Falls? How did it make it into the top 50 worst places?

A: I guess the main theme I went with is just how it is all about neighboring towns. You know, I'm from New Jersey and we do that all the time, we pretend we're cool because New York City is right next door. With Glens Falls, it's all about Lake George and Saratoga. Like if the guy next door has a nice lawn, but I don't -- well, I'm close to the nice lawn! I don't want the speed of escape to be the best thing about where I'm living.

The other theme I heard from a lot of people is that the teenagers are all bored and can't wait to escape. But Glens Falls is pretty tame compared to some of the others, actually. It's certainly no Detroit!

Q: Ever been to Glens Falls?

A: Well, I've been through it. I just kind of drove around. I basically had what I was going to write at that point. I mean, the book is largely testimonials and quotes...I'm a humor writer, and I don't have any journalistic sensibilities! (laughs) Syracuse is the one (of two New York cities included in the book) I know much better, personally. Glens Falls is one I sort of uncovered. It just kept popping up. And I was doing so many large cities that I wanted a small, boring town, too.

Q: What are some of the worst things people said about Glens Falls?

A: That it's a big, boring ghetto..."home to the high school basketball hall of fame, as well as lost dreams and failed aspirations." That's a quote from a local.

Q: How did you write the book?

A: I did polling online, survey-taking...went to every Craigslist in the country and asked people, "What's the worst place you've ever been?" Then, once I had votes, I would start corresponding with people. It was cool, I actually got to meet a lot of interesting people who really hated their towns. People were really willing to unload.

It took about a year and a half. I did some traveling, too. There wasn't really any great method to it. I tried not to pick all 50 from Jersey, which was a challenge. Then there's some, like Baltimore, that's a shoo-in regardless of any research...

Q: Where did you get the idea?

A: I work in advertising and do some magazine junk, and I was talking to an editor one day, trying to think of something satirical to write. It was around the time the "Best Places to Live" articles come out every year, so I just thought of the opposite. It was totally random. I just like to make fun of stuff, I don't know what that says about me! (laughs)

I'm from Jersey, so I think that's where my expertise came from. My whole life, I've been made fun of for being from Jersey, so it's fun to spread it around a little bit. Not that we aren't bad, but other places are too... The whole point is just to be funny. I'm just trying to be funny, and I think about half the people get it, and half are very angry.

Q: Oh, yeah? So you've gotten complaints from some of the places you wrote about?

A: Big cities don't care. Like, I haven't heard from Detroit, they've got bigger fish to fry. But Mitchell, South Dakota -- they covered my book like it was the presidential debate. I debated the mayor on the radio for like 45 minutes!

Q: So, I noticed from a Google search that Dave Gilmartin is apparently a pseudonym. Why not use your real name?

A: Yeah, I wish I hadn't let that slip...it's a long, boring story, but the easy answer is that I didn't want anyone from Detroit to find me and kill me. They've killed people for less than this!

Q: Any plans for a second book?

A: I feel like I need to write something really positive next, to realign my karma. A book about puppies or something...although a book about the worst colleges would be really funny.

how to sound smart watching a football game

Published on 11/23/2006 in THE POST-STAR Go
(co-authored by Charles Fiegl)

It's that time of year, when family and friends gather together around the table and give thanks ... although in a lot of houses, we're talking a coffeetable and being grateful for touchdowns.

If you aren't a football fan, suggest turning off the television and playing Pictionary instead.

When your relatives are done laughing at you, join them on the couch and try using a few of these comments throughout the game. You'll fit right in.

1) "That guard is holding!" It's exactly what it sounds like -- players often grab each other during the game, and it's often against the rules. Try to resist synonyms. "He's goosing the other guy!" may be true, but it won't earn you any respect.

2) "Come on, Ref!" Keep an eye on the guy in black and white stripes (actually, you should probably just retire to the kitchen if you don't even know what a referee is) and comment after he makes a call. If you're not too sure what he did, use a neutral tone of voice that could be interpreted as either sincere or sarcastic.

3) "The pads are really popping out there." Translation: "Those burly guys in padded tights keep running into each other, and it sure looks like it hurts."

4) "Everybody's clutching and grabbing! Nobody's tackling!" Sounding like legendary Green Bay Packers coach Vince Lombardi never fails to impress. Obviously, don't say this right after a linebacker knocks down a running back for a loss. Duh.

5) "That's six points for my fantasy team!" Or, as I heard one woman call it recently, "fake team." Be sure to stuff some nachos in your mouth to avoid follow-up questions.

6) "Do you think Favre will retire?" As in Brett Favre, quarterback for the Packers since 1992. This question has been a hot topic for sports commentators this season, so even if you're not watching a Packers game, you can toss it into conversation during a commercial break. Wait for an answer, then reply, "Yeah, that's what I think too."

7) "Anyone need a beer?" A guaranteed crowd-pleaser. Resist the urge to add, "... or a cosmo?"