ah, roommates.

Published in The Post-Star (Go! section, cover story)
9/22/05

A game of free association with the word "roommate" is almost certain to get a reaction from most people in their 20s and 30s.

Dirty dishes. Loud alarm clocks. Mysterious black stains on the furniture.

"My junior-year college roommate drank beer all the time and chewed tobacco. He would wipe the tobacco spit off his mouth with his finger, and wipe his finger on the couch," said Jim Mayette. "One day I noticed this giant black stain on the arm of the couch. ... He was kind of a funny guy."

Mayette, 26, is now looking for a third roommate to split the bills at the four-bedroom house he shares with one other guy in Greenfield. In the past, he's always been able to find roommates through friends, but by now most of his college buddies are working in other cities. This is the first time he's had to advertise for a roommate.

Newspaper classifieds and old-fashioned bulletin boards are one way to seek roommates, but you can also look online these days. At least a dozen Web-based roommate search services have sprung to life in the last decade. One of the most popular sites for young adults in search of housing is Craigslist.org, a free online bulletin board where users can list everything from spare rooms to free couches.

Hundreds of cities around the world have their own Craigslist sites. A recent search on the Albany Craigslist site turned up more than 1,200 housing listings in this region, including about 200 in the "rooms/shared" category. One of those ads was posted by Mayette.

So far, it has netted him little more than spam e-mails coaxing him to cash counterfeit money orders from foreign countries, although other people in the area say postings on Craigslist have worked for them. Mayette is planning to try a print ad in the local newspaper next.

He's not too picky about who responds, he said, as long as they're not a smoker, a drummer, or allergic to his cat. Ideally, he'd like to find a working professional who comes from a similar educational background, but he'd settle for "not a psycho."

After what he's been through, Mayette has developed a few basic screening questions for potential roommates. Do they have pets? How about a job? Will they fill up the garage with junk? And, of course -- do they chew tobacco?
"I would probably ask for a few references from people they lived with before," he added as an afterthought.

Chance encounters

You never know what you'll end up with when you decide to share your space, but for many young adults, it's a gamble worth taking for the sake of cheaper rent.

"I couldn't have afforded to live on my own in this area," said Laura Schmuttenmaer, 22, a Skidmore graduate who recently moved into a spacious two-bedroom apartment in Saratoga Springs with a roommate, Zoe Lodbell, 32.

The two met at the coffee shop where Schmuttenmaer works. "We always chatted when she came in, and got to know each other that way. We're both nice, laid-back people, so when she needed a roommate, I said, 'Sure,' " Schmuttenmaer said. "It's worked out well."

Her friend Robert Do, 28, had similar luck. He shares an apartment in downtown Saratoga Springs with two other men in their 20s. He met the first one through a band he played in at the time, and the second was a fellow member of what Do calls "the brotherhood of bouncers" who work on Caroline Street. The three have formed a household that's "full of testosterone," Do said.

"I used to live on my own, but it wasn't as much fun," he said.

They don't argue about much, he said, except who drank the beer in the fridge. Do's only complaint is that he sometimes has to clean up after his roommates, although lately he's been "boycotting" the pile of dirty dishes in the sink.

Girlfriends can also be a nuisance. "There was one girl who moved all her little bottles of stuff into the bathroom so there wasn't even room for my shampoo. I didn't really like that," he said with a shrug.

For the most part, though, the three get along well.

"One guy is my drinking buddy, and we wrestle sometimes. I must be good friends with him, because he's broken my ribs a few times," Do said, laughing.

So happy together?

For most people, college is their first experience of living with strangers, and it can be extremely stressful. According to Kate Child, a community coordinator in Skidmore's Office of Residential Life, simple things are the most common catalysts for roommate strife.

"The disagreements are usually about things like having overnight guests, when to turn the lights out, or locking the door," she said.

Fights can be avoided, she said, when roommates create and sign a basic contract. The contract can include rules about the use of common space, quiet hours, guest policies, even shower schedules.

The college does its best to match incoming students with compatible roommates, said Child, using a questionnaire about each person's preferences.

For those approaching the roommate search after college, some of the biggest compatibility challenges are smoking and substance use, study and sleep habits, and musical tastes. Arguments often center around cleaning, Child said. She recommended that roommates create a "chore chart."

Emily Carnevale, a resident advisor at Skidmore, said communication is the key to peaceful co-habitation. "You need to be able to vocalize what your needs are, without yelling at the other person," she said.

With good communication, roommates can become each others' closest friends.

"Those are the things you'll remember later," Carnevale said, "that night when you and your roommate were just really stupid at 2 a.m. and couldn't stop laughing together."

Some people remember being up with their roommate at 2 a.m. for different reasons. Edie Mulligan, 36, had a series of problem roommates in college and afterwards. She lists them by their issues: the alcoholic, the pregnant one, the one who had a nervous breakdown.

"I consider myself a pretty easy person to live with," said Mulligan, but her limits were tested when her junior-year college roommate woke her up one night to ask for a ride to the hospital.

"She was a little large, but I didn't know she was pregnant!" she said. "I guess she was lucky to room with someone who had a car on campus."

After that surprise, Mulligan said, she was more cautious in picking roommates.
Mulligan is married now, and lives in South Glens Falls. She said it's a relief to know that she'll never have to search for a roommate again and she has some advice for people learning to live with each other: "Keep an open mind."
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