30? I thought it said 80!

Published in The Post-Star (B1)
8/20/06

If you've ever been pulled over by the police, empathy for the uniformed figure striding toward your car was probably the last thing on your mind at the time.

But from the officers' perspective, every time they flick on those flashing lights to snag another speeder, it's a dice roll. They don't know what they might encounter next -- could be theatrical tears, elaborate excuses, angry curses, or even a genuine medical emergency.

Patrol officers with the Warren County Sheriff's Department have plenty of stories to tell about the ways people react to being pulled over for traffic violations.

"Oh, man, I make people cry ... apparently, I'm intimidating," said Patrol Officer Eric Mazzeo, sounding baffled. "I make guys cry, girls cry, old people cry. I feel bad. I'm very nice to people!"

He's heard plenty of reasons for speeding, he said, including "the explosive diarrhea excuse" several times. The other officers nodded -- they've heard that one, too. It can be hard to know what to believe.

"One girl told me she was in labor," said Patrol Officer Jason Martindale. "She didn't look pregnant, but I figured I didn't want to be the one delivering the baby, so I let her go."

Don't get any ideas, though -- "it's an emergency" excuses don't always pass muster with these officers. Martindale also had an experience with a speeder who claimed "he had to go to the bathroom real bad," but that didn't get him off the hook.

"I wrote him a ticket anyway," Martindale said. "I took my time, too."

So what makes the difference between a warning and a ticket?

"The mood I'm in that day," said Patrol Officer Michael Cote, with a slight smile.

Contrary to popular myth, however, the officers said they have no quota for speeding tickets. Some officers may write one or two a day, while others only write a few each month, said Lt. Robert Smith.

"Some people just like doing it more than others," he explained with a shrug.

Another thing people might not realize, Smith added, is that officers are not allowed to base a ticket on previous violations. They also have no control over the amount of a fine -- that's decided by a judge, later.

Personally, he said, there have been times when he would have made a different choice about issuing a ticket if the driver had been more open about their circumstances. For example, one driver he caught using her cell phone turned out to be making funeral preparations for her father, but didn't tell him this until after he'd written the ticket. Once an officer has started the paperwork, he can't go back.

"We're human, too," he said. "I guess people don't think about that sometimes."

Some of the best stories have become jokes around the office -- have you heard the one about the priest?

"I pulled over a priest who said he was on his way to a funeral. I said, well, what's the hurry, then?" Patrol Sgt. Michael Webster said, drawing laughter from his colleagues.

W.W. Pearson, a retired state trooper who now helps the Sheriff's Department with transports, also once encountered a speeding priest. The man said he was on his way to see a parishioner in the hospital.

"I told him it was dangerous, and he said, 'Well, I've got God on my side,'" Pearson remembered. "I said, well, in the event that you're in an accident, he may get hurt too! But I didn't give him a ticket. I didn't want to mess with his boss."

Speeder's Etiquette 101
-- Pull over as soon as possible if you notice flashing lights behind you. Officers wait to turn the lights on until they have determined that it is a safe place to pull over, so you won't get away with the "but I didn't think this was a good spot" excuse for making them chase you.
-- Roll down your window and remain seated in your car. In some cases involving multiple violations, an officer may ask you to wait with them in the police car while they do the paperwork, but sit tight unless instructed otherwise.
-- Keep your hands visible. Fishing around in your pockets makes an officer nervous, since you could be reaching for a weapon. Your license and registration should be in the car with you, but wait for their request to get it out.
-- Be polite and honest. It may not get you off the hook, but a nasty attitude pretty much guarantees you'll get a ticket.
(Source: Warren County Sheriff's Department)