Surviving family fun

Published in The Post-Star (G1)

4/6/06

Nothing like a family vacation drives home the true meaning of "baggage."

It's not easy to steer a path to rest and relaxation through obstacles like crying children, squabbling spouses, or exasperating in-laws, but millions of Americans try to do it each year.

Dr. Paul Etu, a Glens Falls psychologist, has heard plenty of horror stories about family vacations, but nothing that could be printed here. He offered some general advice to families who are planning a trip together.

"One of the problems that comes up a lot is that everybody has different tastes, so try to schedule something that includes a little bit of something for everyone," he said.

When his children were young, this usually meant alternating: one day at Disney, then one day at a museum or cultural attraction. Often, said Etu, kids and adults can discover common ground through outdoor activities.

"My kids got really into kayaking, even though their first thought would have been to go to an amusement park," he said.

It's important to let every family member participate in the vacation planning process, he said. Adults can create a list of options and let the kids choose a few places or activities out of those, what Etu calls "making forced choices."

Teresa Plowright, the official family travel guide for the New York-based Web site About.com, has two ways of looking at family road trips.

"Sometimes, you've just got to get there, sort of like a hurtling spaceship," she said. "But it's better if you can make the journey itself into a pleasant memory."

Her three children are all teenagers now, and it's a long-standing family tradition to listen to audiobooks when they travel together. Currently, they're immersed in the Lemony Snicket series ("A Series of Unfortunate Events").

"I love books on tape, because you put them on and you're all kind of together in the same space; the same story," she said. "And you can still look outside and enjoy the trip while you're listening, unlike watching a DVD."

Other families have more unusual traditions.

One local mom said her family likes to bring "toll booth attendant snacks" -- prepackaged cookies, candy bars, or soda -- on long drives. This tradition started years ago, when they offered a cold drink to an attendant on a hot summer day and got an enthusiastic reaction that gave them something to laugh and talk about for miles.

It's these sorts of little things that can transform a tense and tiring journey into what Plowright calls "really nice family bonding time."

Etu recommends making plenty of pit stops on a family road trip, rather than racing to the destination.

"People who drive straight through a long distance with children are probably asking for it," he said. "And if you have elderly passengers, keep in mind that they might need to stop more often as well."

He warns parents against letting kids "triangulate" on trips.

"If there's an odd number, like three, you're likely to end up with two fighting against one," he said.

In the case of his own three children, Etu often allowed the youngest to invite a friend on family vacations. It added some expense, but saved a lot of hassle, he said.

Above all, don't get your swim trunks in a knot when you can't stick precisely to that carefully planned itinerary.

"Don't get upset when the unexpected happens," Etu said. "Look on the bright side."

Just be sure you're not looking on your sister's side of the car.

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