the wedding issue

Published in The Post-Star ("Go" wedding issue)
3/23/06

Second Weddings

When "I do" becomes "do over," questions arise.

Can the bride wear white? Can rings be recycled? Are guests expected to laugh when the best man's toast involves a derogatory joke about the groom's first wife?

The answers are: yes, no, and not unless the wife was Britney Spears (in which case, an "Oops! I did it again" joke is obligatory).

"Encore weddings" are a growing niche in the wedding industry -- census statistics show that more than one-third of the weddings in the United States each year are remarriages for at least one of the partners.

It used to be taboo for a bride to wear white at a wedding that wasn't her first, but these days, few people equate white with virginity. Ivory and pastels also tend to be popular choices for second brides, according to the Web site Idotaketwo.com.

The dress style depends on the bride's personal tastes, but the veil is a touchier subject. Over-the-face "blusher" veils are considered a fashion faux pas for more experienced brides, although etiquette experts at the Emily Post Institute say a down-the-back veil is acceptable with some gowns.

When buying a gift for someone who has already been married, stay away from basic household items they might have received the first time around (unless they specifically registered for them). Good alternatives abound, including, for example, an engraved memento of the special day, a fun "extra" like an ice cream maker, or a gift certificate for a shared activity.

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How to be the perfect wedding guest -- or not.
(By Amanda Bensen and CE Skidmore)

1) When you receive a wedding invitation, RSVP promptly, even if your answer is "no." Only bring other people if they were specifically invited (i.e. "A. Smith and Guest," or "The Smith Family"). If you can't attend, you should still send a card and gift.
-- They invited you, why wouldn't they assume that you're coming? And nothing livens up a party like your new girlfriend and her hyperactive 10-year-old. They do a heck of a chicken dance.

2) Buy a thoughtful, practical gift. Use the couple's registry as a guide, but not the gospel. (For example, if the only item left on their list is a designer wastebasket, it's probably best to go with a gift certificate.) According to etiquette experts at The Emily Post Institute, gifts can be sent up to three months after the wedding, although sooner is better.
-- Always give a gift that you wouldn't mind getting back in the event of a runaway bride. Anything you can trade for Marlboro Miles should suffice.

3) Dress appropriately for the ceremony, taking cues from the event's location, time of day, and season. Evening weddings are generally more formal, for example. Black is fine, but women in white dresses risk upstaging the bride.
-- Weddings take place in churches and God knows polyester makes you chafe. Every fashionista knows that jeans go with everything, especially a smart bolo tie.

4) Aim to arrive at the ceremony about 30 minutes early, so that you'll be safely seated before the stars of the show need the aisle to themselves. And turn off that bloody cell phone.
-- Don't arrive on time. Don't arrive early. A fashionable entrance is a late entrance. That's what Axl Rose would do.

5) Enjoy yourself at the reception. The bride and groom put a lot of effort into ensuring their guests have a good time. Find an opportunity to greet the happy couple and wish them well, without monopolizing their time.
-- This wedding is your only opportunity to get a free meal out of that cousin who thinks he's better than you because he finished high school before age 20. Hit the open bar and ask his new bride to slow dance.